Previously unheard and controversial audio recordings of Michael Jackson have been unearthed and are set to feature in a new four-part documentary series titled The Trial, airing on Channel 4 in the UK on February 4. The tapes reportedly expose deeply personal and troubling thoughts by the late pop icon about his relationships with children.

According to the New York Post, one particularly shocking recording captures Jackson saying he was so emotionally dependent on being around children that if he were prevented from seeing them, he “might kill himself.”

In the documentary trailer, Jackson also suggests that children were naturally drawn to him, saying: “Children just want to touch me and hug me.” In another clip, he adds: “Children really love me. Sometimes that gets me into trouble.”

A source featured in the film describes Jackson’s way of speaking about children as “abnormal and disturbing,” especially when viewed in the context of the long-standing allegations against him.

The series revisits Jackson’s own admission that he allowed children to stay at his Neverland Ranch and to “sleep in his bed without their parents present,” a detail that has fueled controversy for decades.

Jackson’s former public relations adviser also appears in the documentary, stating that he “fully believes” there was a years-long cover-up surrounding the allegations made against the singer.

The Trial centers on the highly publicized 2005 child molestation trial that shocked the world. A key focus is Jackson’s relationship with Gavin Arvizo, a cancer survivor who was invited to Neverland Ranch. In 2005, Arvizo accused Jackson of sexually abusing him, showing him pornography, and giving him alcohol. These claims led to 14 criminal charges against the pop star. After a four-month trial, Jackson was acquitted on all counts.

Jackson’s family has consistently denied all allegations. His three children — Prince Jackson, Bigi Jackson (formerly known as Blanket), and Paris Jackson — have repeatedly described their father as “the best dad anyone could imagine.”

Michael Jackson died in 2009 from an overdose of prescription anesthetics, four years after the conclusion of the historic trial.